EXTREME
FANATIC
DIE-HARD
PATRIOT
Hello!!! There's Football Games Being Played Today!!
Brady's Chin Dimple is Just Sooo Cute
8/25/05
Al
Davis: Win or lose, his
first post-game comments for 2005 will be autocratic at best, paranoid and
bipolar at worst. Either they
spent the last 4 years devastated by the Tuck Rule only to triumph over
the Evil Empire, or they spent the last 4 years devastated by the Tuck
Rule.
Absentee
Coaching: As comfortable
as I am with the current staff, a small teensy-weensy part of me hopes
Belichick has Romeo and Charlie on speed-dial.
‘Color’ Commentators: “That Brady, he sure knows how to throw!” We know, that’s why he’s called a professional.
Redskins
Fans: I guess I’ve
lived in DC too long…I almost can’t hear someone identify themselves
as a Redskins fan without wanting to pull a Gloucester on them (King
Lear, but don’t expect me to tell you…go f*ing read it for
yourself!)
PINK
(and I don’t mean the singer):
Last time I checked, pink wasn’t listed as the official color for
any NFL team, except maybe Miami. And
what makes them think I’m gonna wear a scrunchie with my matching NFL
handkerchief top and thong? Talk
about what NOT to wear…ewww, a scrunchie??!?
Linear
Design: Come on, you know
you always hated that yellow
First Down Marker, until…the orange
Line of Scrimmage Marker??!? (“Der,
where’s da ball s’posed to go?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know, ref?!?”)
Joe
Gibbs: This guy still
doesn’t get it. This might
be the first year he actually has 2 GOOD receivers, and he still has
Patrick Ramsey and Mark Brunell at QB???????
No wait, actually I’m going to enjoy that part…it was his giggle
that was going to get on my nerves. (What
was I thinking??)
NFL
Network’s No Huddle and Red Zone: These
shows are the fantasy football equivalents of Beavis taking caffeine,
Ritalin, and speed simultaneously (Instructions: lift shirt over head and
shriek “I am the Great Corn-Holi-O!
I need teepee for my bunghole!”).
Text
Messages: They’ve
already started, and it’s only the preseason.
I don’t know which will offend me more, the ignorance behind the
taunts or the 5˘ I’m being charged to take it.
Snyder,
Dan (see Fauntleroy,
Little Lord or Blue, Boy in):
